animal communication – Bridging the Paradigms: re-connecting people and the planet

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 18

April 20, 2012 by Robyn

my dying dog As my beloved dog, Murphy, and I walked the mystery together—her dying and her death—I marveled at how much my life had changed in the nearly 14 years we shared.

I used to think people like I am today were impossibly woo-wooey. Were crystal-loving, freakily dressed hippies who believed in weird mystical things, like reincarnation and talking to dead people and being psychic.

Then I became one of those people.

Thank goodness.

In the years Murphy and I were together I stumbled upon animal communication and experimented on Murphy. I learned that there was more going on in an animal’s mind than I ever realized. And I put that knowledge to good use: I learned to talk with other beings, and now I do that for a living.

And when push comes to shove, I hire other people to talk to other beings for me. I call those people intuitives. They call themselves animal communicators, or intuitives, or psychics, or mediums.

The real ones are worth more than their weight in gold.

The one I know the best, and trust from long years of working with her, is Debrae FireHawk.

When you work as an intuitive you’re always dealing with people looking at you the way I used to look at people like me: like they just don’t get us and find us weird, out-of-touch, and maybe just a bit scary. So it’s great to hire an intuitive and find out what they say is going on with you, or around you. To be accepted for who and what you are and tap into their unique strength—because just like doctors or carpenters, each intuitive has a special way of doing their work.

Which is a long way of saying I’m comfortable with Debrae. I trust her. She’s excellent at her work. She has a loving, open heart. And she’s funny.

It was a no-brainer for me to turn to her for support as Murphy journeyed toward death.

Here’s why you should trust an intuitive when you’re on that journey (if not before).

By choice, determination, and innate talent, intuitives can help us get outside the trappings of modern civilization and into our hearts and souls. Then can help us see and understand things we don’t see as well on our own—because they’ve developed their skill, like we’ve developed our own, whatever our skill is.

They can help us see the living world around us on its own level—without the arrogant bullshit of modern science, with the humility of knowing our place as equals with all life, whatever that life is. As humans in a world that is bigger and stranger than anything we could imagine or want.

It’s wonderful to work with an intuitive for any life event, from personal to business situations.

When your soul mate is dying, it’s not just wonderful: it’s necessary.

Losing a loved one, whether human or animal, is painful and confusing and exhausting. You can and must be rational, and organized, and sometimes shut off from your feelings so you can function. You can and must grieve your dying loved one.

It helps if you can talk with them. And share your feelings. And hear theirs.

With an intuitive, you can.

Debrae helped me talk with Murphy, in the weeks before she died and in the days afterwards. It allowed me to step back and be not just the client but the grieving soul mate who needed to understand and share this last journey, to make careful decisions, to explore the mystery of death. To cry.

It allowed me and Murphy to hear each other, to share our deepest fears and secret thoughts, to wrap love around us more securely and deeply than would have ever been possible if we could not hear each other.

I have lost many loved ones over the years. This is the first one I lost that I could talk to about the process mind to mind, heart to heart. And have another human there to hear it correctly, clearly. With compassion, warmth, and humility.

To be there for me, and for Murphy, as we decided how we would make this last journey together. As we said goodbye.

Yes, you can say goodbye to a dying animal companion without an intuitive by your side.

But don’t.

You’ll miss the opportunity to learn what your animal wants in its last days: how it wants it to look, and why.

You’ll miss the chance to tell it what is going on, and why.

You’ll miss the chance to grieve together, to say the things we would say to a human who could hear and understand and tell us what they’re feeling.

You’ll miss the chance to say goodbye on a level so intensely personal it will brighten all the days of your life, and your family’s.

You’ll miss some of the mystery of life, some of the grace and glory of being fully present in your life, and in the life of those you love.

And your animals will miss that with you.

When we love animals, we know that our life with them will probably end much sooner than it does with other humans. It makes us wonder why we continue to open ourselves to the pain of loss by bringing other animals into our lives. To lose.

When you work with an intuitive, you’ll know why you do it—because love is worth it.

And you’ll be able to hear your animal tell you the same thing.

Love is worth it.

Hear it for yourself.

Filed Under: Human-Animal Bond Tagged With: animal care, animal communication, bridging species, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, dog care, dogs and dying, human-animal bond, intuitive communication, multi-species families

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 17

April 19, 2012 by Robyn

my dying dog Where does choice take us when we live multi-species family lives?

When I learned my beloved dog, Murphy, most likely had splenic cancer, I knew that our long journey together was ending.

You don’t beat splenic cancer, you just delay the inevitable, and not usually for very long.

The problem is, when you find it early, like we did, you don’t have many symptoms: what took us to the vet that day, Dec. 26, 2011, was a cough that turned out to be bronchitis complicated by anemia and an infection. An X-ray revealed a splenic tumor.

The problem is, you don’t know if these tumors are cancer until you take them out. If it was cancer, it wouldn’t matter, because that cancer was aggressive and insidious: all you get is a bit of time, and then only if your dog survives the surgery and you add chemo to the mix.

What I did know is that the tumor was most likely growing, so if it wasn’t cancer, I was killing her by not removing it.

We talked to four vets: all believed it was cancer. Two vets were telling me to operate. The surgeon was leaving it to me, calling a person who refused surgery for their beloved animal “compassionate.” Our vet of choice was hesitant, insisting she was not an immediate candidate for surgery because of underlying bronchitis, complicated by arthritis, age, and heart issues.

Most important, Murphy was telling me not to operate.

Murphy and I had walked a long, sometimes difficult journey together: we both had health issues, we’d both largely recovered from them, and we were both nearly 14 years older than when we first met.

We’d had a lot of fun, met a lot of challenges, lived a great life together.

A life that was clearly ending.

We were at a crossroads. How would that life end?

I talked with Murphy about choice. Our life together had always been one of choice. I made particularly sure about this one: we hired Debrae FireHawk to talk with us. A loving, sharp intuitive, she knew us both quite well and was brave enough to walk this road with us.

So we talked with Debrae, and we talked alone together. The answers were the same. Murphy did not want surgery. I’d saved her life already, which was true, she’d had a few illnesses that resulted in major surgical bills, but they were all things that could be fixed.

I saw to it that they were. I knew very well that most people would not have done the things I did for Murphy. I did not understand why, only that the human-animal bond meant something else to them.

But this thing that was wrong wasn’t fixable. We could only delay the inevitable. If it was cancer.

Murphy was clear about what she thought, both when we talked with Debrae and when we talked alone. Murphy believed that she was simply at the end of her life: her body was slowly breaking down, getting weaker with age. She believed we would have more time together if we did not operate on her: she believed the surgery would most likely kill her, or cause her pain and suffering for some of the few weeks she had left.

I was very comfortable honoring her decision to not have surgery.

Until I started to doubt.

It seemed too easy: she didn’t want surgery, so we wouldn’t do it, but was that really the right thing?

What about fear? Major surgery scares all of us, and Murphy had been through a number of them.

Was she just afraid? Was she being fatalistic?

Was I passing the buck?

Here’s the thing. I am a professional intuitive. I talk with things: with animals, with dead people and animals, with buildings and volcanoes and, well, with just about anything. I can do that because I look at all life as being equal, and equality means free choice and responsibility, soul and consciousness.

I believed that Murphy could and should choose how she wanted her life to end.

But then I started thinking.

Was she making the right decision? Was I? When she was gone, would I regret not trying to save her?

If she didn’t have cancer, I was killing her by not removing a benign tumor that would absolutely grow and rupture and kill her.

What was I going to do?

Murphy and I talked about that. Her answer was profound, loving, right.

She said I had to decide for myself whether she was having surgery.

Her concern was what would happen to me afterwards. She knew how deeply I regretted losing my beloved English Cocker, Maggie. I know I euthanized Maggie too early, before she was ready, before we really knew what was wrong with her. I grieved that decision so deeply I couldn’t bear the thought of having another dog for 10 years.

Murphy said I had work to do, and she didn’t want it complicated by my grieving over making the wrong decision for her.

She was right. I had to think through what was happening. Figure out how I could live with the decision I made for the end of Murphy’s life. The decision we’d make together.

Free choice is essential to our growth as citizens of the planet. It’s also essential to family lives. And in the case of family lives, it comes down to what is best for the family after we consider what is best for the family member who is dying.

In this situation we didn’t have much time to spare. There just isn’t time when you’re dealing with this kind of tumor. So we set a date with Debrae, and I had 48 hours to decide what the right choice was for me.

For us.

I had two days to decide how Murphy was going to die.

I spent a lot of time in the bathtub those two days. Soaking. Thinking. Crying. Being rational and being angry. Being grateful I’d had such a wonderful life with Murphy. Grieving its coming end. Fearing my life without my soul mate. Resigning myself to whatever was the right choice.

And then I knew what the answer was.

When it was time to talk with Debrae I was calm and clear. I knew exactly where I was coming from: pain and disability.

My life has not been ordinary, not because as an intuitive I talk with things that most people don’t think can speak, but because I have lived most of my adult life handicapped and in pain. For over 15 years I was too ill to work at all, and lived mostly as a hermit. That is, in fact, how I learned to talk with things: I simply stepped out of normal human time.

I know how much pain and disability made my life uncomfortable, and often downright miserable. I have been disabled so long I don’t even comprehend life without pain. It’s exhausting and frustrating. I’m lucky I have a sense of humor.

I know that if I had splenic cancer my answer would be no surgery. I would want to feel as well as I could, and be as mobile and fun-loving as I could, for as long as possible.

That precluded surgery.

So when we sat down with Debrae, I saw Murphy waiting patiently for my answer: would we operate or not? Waiting with her were her guides, and my guides, those invisible beings some people call spiritual guides. And Grey, my planetary guide. And Alki, my second dog, and Grace the Cat. And Mount St. Helens, and my car. And the dragons, yes, real dragons, the king and queen of the dragon kingdom, for whom Murphy was an honored ambassador. Yes, ambassador.

I told Murphy how much I loved her. How a hundred million years with her would not be enough. How much I appreciated her sharing her life with me. How sorry I was that she was dying. How much I would miss her.

We cried together, again.

And then I asked her about the arthritis she’d suffered with for 2-1/2 years. Yes, it was controlled by that wonderful drug, Rimadyl, so she was getting along quite well, although she was slower and stiffer and always a bit uncomfortable. Yes, she’d chase her brother around the garage, but her life was definitely compromised by pain and disability. She was happy and fun-loving. And hurting.

I asked her, “Murphy, tell me how much the Rimadyl is helping with the arthritis pain?”

She said, “It takes about 50 percent of the pain away.”

That was kind of what I suspected, watching her.

I said, “Murphy, I love you so much, and that’s our answer. I won’t ask you to do surgery, to have more pain and disability, because it’s already enough. It’s the arthritis I’m saying ‘No’ to. It’s enough. I don’t want you to hurt any more. You want to walk the mystery, to be fully in the moment with death, and I will walk it with you. We won’t complicate that with surgery. Is that okay with you?”

And what did she say?

“Yes. Thank you. Thank you for making sure I wasn’t handicapped during my life.”

That stunned me. Murphy thanked me for making sure she led a comfortable life.

“You saved my life a long time ago,” she said.

Yes I had, and she had saved mine.

With that we were both comfortable with our decision. We had each come to our own conclusion about what the end of her life would look like. We would see it through together, with her as fit and strong as we could make her.

Without surgery. With love. As bravely as possible. Not afraid to cry or grieve.

And not afraid to live.

Filed Under: Human-Animal Bond Tagged With: animal care, animal communication, bridging species, cats, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, dog care, dogs and dying, Fallon, human-animal bond, intuitive, multi-species families

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 16

April 17, 2012 by Robyn

my dying dog How do we walk that last mystery of life with our beloved animal companions? How does the human-animal bond end?

I write this as our mystery is over: I lost my dying dog, my beloved Murphy, on March 8, 2012. I continue with our diary because her life ran out before our story did, and our story matters. We lived it passionately and clearly: it is helping others deal with their own impending mysteries.

Murphy had splenic cancer: at least we’re pretty sure she did. On Dec. 26, 2011, I took her to the vet for a slight cough: that led to a diagnosis of bronchitis and anemia and infection, and finally to splenic cancer. A radiologist confirmed it on ultrasound, and on January 12, 2012, a surgical specialist in Seattle told me she was pretty certain it was cancer.

Splenic cancer. You don’t beat this cancer. Ever. You can only delay it. The specialist figured it had only been there a month (about the time I noticed a subtle difference in what I thought was progressing arthritis). It is unusual to find it before a crisis develops, but the end result is the same.

If it was cancer, Murphy would live six months with surgery and chemo, three months without.

If it wasn’t cancer (and three vets were now sure it was), it was still growing and would kill her if it wasn’t removed. The surgery itself might kill her.

How do you make these choices?

What in hell do you do?

Get the Facts

Some people say they don’t want to know if their beloved animal is dying.

I say my definition of a multi-species family is you’re lucky if you get to know what you’re dealing with. In Murphy’s case, the vets were pretty sure it was cancer, an aggressive cancer you never beat.

Our best advice here: sit down, write a list of questions, and fill in the blanks. Take it all to a trusted vet and go over it in detail.

I looked at the X-ray, read the report, participated in the actual ultrasound, had Murphy examined by a surgical specialist who had a lot of experience with it.

We looked hard at Murphy: at 13-1/2 she was old and arthritic, although mostly comfortable on Rimadyl. She had bronchitis, heart arrhythmia, and a mild heart murmur.

Surgery was possible but risky. She’d need several days in intensive care and about 10 days recovering before she could walk comfortably. We had stairs to negotiate and I am handicapped: I would simply not be able to provide her the level of care she’d need, so we’d have to hire help.

All possible, but was it necessary? Should we do it? Why or why not?

Murphy and I had a years-old deal: we’d come together in this lifetime, in a safe place, to heal. We’d done that. I’d promised her I wouldn’t ask her to do any more. This seemed like too much: for her and for us. But I’d go with her decision.

It wasn’t that easy, of course, because her decision was this: she believed her body was gradually breaking down, that she was dying anyway, and she believed she’d have more time if we did not operate.

What did the vets think?

Well, that’s part of the blessing, and the curse, isn’t it?

Get the Vet

We parted ways with our long-time vet because she insisted we do things her way.

“You tell the vet you want as much time with her as possible,” she said. Operate and remove it and do chemo.

What I heard: “Torture your dog to keep her with you a few months longer.”

What was really meant: “We force them to stay for our sake, disregarding the quality of their lives, and I the vet am the boss and you do what I say.”

So, bottom line: make sure you and your vet are on the same page. We hadn’t seen the vet we ended up with in years. He was there for us: calm, precise, balanced. He didn’t tell me what to do. He told me what it would look like, and left the decision to us: to me and Murphy. Where it belonged.

What do you do? Make sure you have a vet whose mindset matches yours. Stay informed. Run from anyone who insists that you should do what they want. It’s not their family: it’s yours.

Paternalism should die before we do.

Grace the Cat guards her sister's dreams

Get Support

Tell your friends and family what’s going on. You will end up making new friends and losing old ones. Both are fine. Death is part of living: if anyone in your circle can’t handle it, they can’t handle life. You don’t need them.

Ask for help. I knew there might be problems if Murphy went into crisis in the middle of the night and we needed help to get to the ER. Asking someone to be available to drive you is a big deal: emotionally and physically. Think about who in your circle could possibly help. Ask, but be clear that it’s strictly up to them, and make no judgments on who agrees, who ignores you, and who says no. And why. It’s a growth process all around.

Backup helps. I wouldn’t leave Murphy for more than a few hours those last 2-1/2 months: with a splenic tumor, a crisis could occur in an hour (ultimately, it did). Some people called and wanted to stay with the kids for a few hours, to give me a break. Excellent.

Remember: people are grieving with you, in their own way. Let them help. Let them bow out. Keep the lines open.

I am grateful for everyone who did or did not show up for us. I found a new level of community in the process.

How will you find yours?

Chart Your Course

I knew what we were facing. I focused on comfort and care. We used acupuncture and herbs (thank you, Darla Rewers, DVM, for greeting Murphy so cheerfully, picking up where we’d dropped off a few years before, and helping us with acupuncture, holistic remedies, and loving advice) and the good food and medications we were already using.

I looked at dying naturally and at euthanasia, and what the cancer would actually do to her.

I looked at hospice alternatives for animals and created my own: after all, I was not a stranger to death.

I was grateful that I’d spent so much time over the years learning about veterinary medicine and thinking about creating families with animals: I knew what I wanted my family life to look like, and I knew what my animals wanted it to be like.

I discussed this all with Murphy. And the rest of the family: Alki, my Cavalier boy, and Grace the Cat.

And then we lived our lives together: we walked the mystery, step by step.

We loved.

So here’s what you do: if you’re lucky enough to know the end is coming, find out as much as you can about what it will look like, and figure out how you can live through it so the only regret you have at the end is that you ran out of time. You’re the only one who knows what that will look like to you.

If you don’t know it’s happening, here’s what you do: you stop right now and make sure each day is one you’re grateful for. Live a full life with your animal family. There is no other way.

Hire an Intuitive

I am an intuitive: people pay me and my crystal partner, Fallon, to talk to things with them.

I was smart enough to hire someone else to talk with us.

That means I had someone talk with Murphy and with me regularly throughout the process. I could sit back and be the client: I could hear what Murphy thought and felt, and she could hear me, and a compassionate, objective, loving intuitive could be the bridge between us.

That intuitive is Debrae FireHawk. In the process she relived the loss of her own dog, which helped her as well.

With that support Murphy and I said goodbye to each other. We grieved losing each other. We cried. We accepted. At some point, she became excited about the new life she was moving towards, a bittersweet moment for me.

And then she died.

Daily Rituals with Our Animals: Saving the World One Family at a Time, Update 3-2012

March 29, 2012 by Robyn

I first published this article on January 17, 2011. On March 8, 2012, the story changed: that was the day I lost my beloved Cavalier, Murphy. In the coming days and weeks I will have much to say about grief, dying, death, and loss, but for now, perhaps this says it best. Twice a day I miss Murphy the most: the times when it’s achingly clear that our daily family ritual is over, because Murphy is gone. The bed is now bigger, my heart is emptier, Alki is a depressed single dog and Grace the Cat prowls restlessly. Several weeks later we are still feeling our way through new rituals: Alki is beginning to like getting his ears rubbed, but he doesn’t snuggle as long or deeply as Murphy did; when he’s ready to get up he’s ready, although he’ll wait patiently for me to move. Grace the Cat comes up several times, early in the morning, both seeking and giving comfort, always in search of a gentle pet and a warm snuggle.

We are grieving, yet one part of me is watching this process and wondering: when will we know when a new ritual is in place? What will our new daily life look like when a new routine spreads itself across our morning greetings, and our evening good nights? How does grief change our landscape? How does it enrich our lives? We’re learning. We’re patient. We’re waiting. We’re wondering: how do you grieve, and what does it teach you about compassion, community, rebuilding a shattered family, daring to love again?

For now, this is what I know: Murphy’s ashes sit in a tin can from the crematory. I’ve covered it in her favorite blue fleece jacket, the jacket she would wear six months out of the year, inside and out. On top of that is her favorite harness: the blue harness she chose and that she hasn’t worn in two years because she needed a neoprene harness to make life with arthritis more comfortable for her. She loved both the jacket and the harness, and it is a bit of comfort to see them so close to her. Each morning I place my hand gently on her jacket, remembering. Each night I do the same. Does it feel better? No, but it does feel right. For now. The one thing we can do for our beloved animals in death is to remember and honor them in simple ways. I wonder, though, who will remember us when we’re gone?

We start and end the day at our house the same way: in a big pile on the bed while I tell my kids, one by one, with many hugs, how much I love them. And why. Every day. Every night. And I get lots of hugs and kisses in return.

What astounds me is that this astounds other people, who say they don’t even do this with their human families, let alone their animals.

Let alone their animals?

No daily rituals?

I have the world’s best family. They are two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Murphy and Alki, and Grace the Cat. I am the only human here (honestly, I can’t imagine a man I could put up with for 20 minutes who could put up with me for 10). I have extended family and friends I cherish, but the day-to-day life at our house comes down to us (and my crystal partner, Fallon, and the rest of the Alchemy West Committee, but I digress).

In the morning, when we’re finally awake, I roll over on my back and call my kids. We start with the eldest and work down. Murphy flops down beside me, her face snuggled into my neck, while I gently massage her back, and rub her ears, which makes her grunt appreciatively. When she’s ready, she gets up and Alki takes her place.

Alki, my tricolor Cavalier, snuggles up, but what he really likes is a neck and chest rub. As quickly as he deems appropriate he will sit up, turn sideways so his butt is planted at my hip, tuck his front paws to his chest, and flop over backwards across my abdomen (where my bladder also resides). Somehow he’s always perfectly aligned, so I don’t even have to move my arm, just scratch.

Our Beloved Murphy: July 16, 1998 - March 8, 2012

I make sure I tell each of them how much I love them, how great the morning is, and what we have planned for the day. Then it’s up and at ‘em.

At night everyone gets a treat before our evening gathering. Then Murphy cuddles in my lap while I pet her and tell her how much I adore her, how happy I am that we’re together, how she’s the best girl dog in the universe, and we review the day and tomorrow’s plans.

Alki’s turn is usually a deep massage, which he loves. Everything else is the same, except he’s the best boy dog in the universe.

It’s then Grace the Cat’s turn. She purrs while getting petted, then paws me and climbs on my shoulder to lick my head (I assume this is a cat thing). She hears the same things, except she’s the best cat in the universe (because she’s the only cat we don’t have to divide it by sex).

I have very little time to read in bed.

Every morning I greet the day and my kids with a smile and words of praise. Every night we end the day with praise and thanks for the day just ended. They greet me back.

The truth? Some days I adore my kids more than other days, which is exactly how they feel about me. Some days I adore more than other days. But I have my kids, and they have me. And we have our days, and nights.

: Grace the Cat guards her sister’s dreams

We are a family. In its simplicity and routine we have found our way to love, and we use these rituals to deepen it. If we somehow skip them I feel incomplete, and by the looks of them, so do my kids.

When I hear that other families don’t do this, I wonder how their days, and family lives, really work. Do they just zip by, without remark, or appreciation? Does it matter?

I think it does. Could we change the world by doing this one simple thing—by beginning and ending our days with love and peace and respect for our families, regardless of the bodies they live in?

I say yes. I say we save the world, one family at a time, by honoring our families, day and night.

Simple daily rituals. It’s a start.

What are your rituals? What do they mean to you?

Filed Under: Human-Animal Bond Tagged With: animal communication, bridging species, cats, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, dog care, dogs and dying, human-animal bond, multi-species families

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 14

March 27, 2012 by Robyn

Murphy Brown Fritz

July 16, 1998 – March 8, 2012

Beloved companion

Devoted sister

Terror of squeaky toys

Friend to the universe

AMBASSADOR TO THE DRAGON KINGDOM

Our hearts are broken. We have lost our beloved Murphy. Our thanks to the wonderful people who have both honored Murphy and tried to ease our grief with kind thoughts, emails, phone calls, visits, cards, gifts, hugs, food, and loving support that last day. When we needed community, it was there, and continues to be. My friend, Sue: thank you for being there those last two months, for sitting with my beautiful family when I had to be out, knowing we might have to meet at the ER. My particular thanks to Debrae FireHawk, the intuitive I turn to: Debrae was there for us for two months, and in the days that followed. I’m a writer, and I have only two words for the blessing of our wonderful community: thank you.

Murphy taught me how to be a human, and I taught her how to be a dog. We just never did anything the normal way. Somehow, that worked for us: we journeyed to wellness together and stepped into our work in the world. Our relationship helped me to create and write about a new way of living the human-animal bond: as a multi-species family. And it helped me forge new ways of connecting with all life as an intuitive. It helped Murphy step into her role as ambassador to the dragon kingdom, a job no one knew existed, and that has enriched the planet.

Grace the Cat guards her sister's dreams

I’m glad I knew she was dying: we had two months to grieve together, to tell each other how sad we were, to get excited about her upcoming new work in the dimensional realms. She thanked me for saving her life so many years ago, for making sure she wasn’t handicapped, and had a long, healthy, fun life. I thanked her for loving me, and Alki, and Grace the Cat, and gleefully sharing her brilliant life with us.

After years of working on it, I can at last say that her book is almost done. Murphy’s Tales: How Saving My Dog’s Life Saved Mine, will be ready this summer.

In the coming weeks I’ll have more to say: about the great gifts that nature brought us on Murphy’s last day; about euthanasia; about our responsibility to our animal companions; about choice and life and death in a multi-species family; about why we absolutely must re-examine long-held animal care beliefs like early spay/neuter and the role of animal welfare agencies. While the title, “My Dog Is Dying,” no longer fits, the story isn’t over, because I literally ran out of time to tell it while Murphy was with us. However, I’ve realized that multi-species families need and want to discuss the dying process, to share their grief, to participate in community even if it’s painful. I also believe that talking about choice, about how we come to the choices we made in our community, and what happens and how we grieve, and why, will help others go through this process, or complete the one they’re in.

I will finish the series because stories matter: love matters. It will have to wait a bit, though. For now grief has overwhelmed me and my family, and we are simply together, as we should be.

My work in and view of the world, my sense of humor and awe at the universe, my business and my life, my openly loving and grieving heart, were, and are, enriched by this amazing dog.

I am grateful. And undone.

Filed Under: Human-Animal Bond Tagged With: animal communication, bridging species, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, dog care, dogs and dying, family harmony, human-animal bond, multi-species families, veterinary care

Profiling Asia Voight and the New Book, Pearls of Wisdom

March 22, 2012 by Robyn

Bridging the Paradigms is participating in a blog tour to promote a little gem of a book called Pearls of Wisdom: 30 Inspirational Ideas to Live Your Best Life Now! It includes brief, gratifying essays from inspiring people like Jack Canfield, Marci Shimoff, Janet Bray Attwood, and Chris Attwood, all well-known self-help writers and speakers. I will post a review of the book on April 30.

Today, I’d like to introduce Asia Voight, whose essay is “Trust Your Body’s Intuition.” Asia is an internationally known intuitive, animal communicator, teacher, and author, and I’m pleased and honored to interview her. Bridging the Paradigms is about creating community with all life, and it is wonderful to be able to feature other intuitives.

Asia writes about the aftermath of a fiery car crash. The doctors said her legs were paralyzed, and that she would never walk again, but Asia took the intuitive route: she asked her spirit guides and all her allies in nature to help her. She writes here about the experience of a guide coming to her and teaching her how to find the “pause,” or the distinct space between each breath, the place where she would meet the divine and find out if she would walk again.

Asia concentrated, remembering learning to jump rope as a child, and how she had to find the rhythmic place in the rope’s swing, the “opening” that would allow her to sync up with the rope. She did that, and found the “great spaciousness within and without …in the gap between breaths, the pause between words.” In that space she decided that she would walk again, and despite her doctors’ skepticism, she did.

Asia’s story is inspiring, her message important to all of us in our busy, stressed lives. Find the space between breaths, the place where we meet the infinite, and find “universal wisdom.” Trust your intuition.

Now, meet Asia Voight in our interview.

Who She Is:

Asia Voight is an internationally known Intuitive Guide, Animal Communicator, Teacher, Inspirational Speaker, Radio Host and Author. Asia connects with animals on a soul level to help resolve emotional and behavioral issues and assists them in deepening their bond with their human companions. She also helps people to reconnect with their own intuition, healing ability, potential and life’s purpose. Throughout a fifteen-year practice, Asia has assisted over 60,000 animal and human clients. In her Animal Communication and Intuitive Development Workshops, Asia generously shares her skills by guiding course participants to connect with their own intuition, allowing them to uniquely open up to total brilliance in their lives. Asia’s work has been featured on ABC, NBC, and Fox TV as well as countless radio interviews like the Rick Lamb Show and Hay House Radio. Asia is published in three books, including, Extraordinary YOU, The Art of Living a Lusciously Spirited, Vibrant Life and Pearls of Wisdom, 30 Inspirational Ideas to Live Your Best Life Now, with Jack Canfield. Watch for Asia on the big screen, as her powerful story of fire and transformation will be highlighted in a full-length movie, entitled Face2Face.

Our Interview:

Q: What do you think makes this book unique and who would want to read it?

Asia: Pearls of Wisdom is for the new breed of humans on the transformational path. They desire tips, insights, and inspiration for moving out of the confined limits of their minds and belief systems. This book is like an awakening spiritual retreat with 30 amazing speakers, but packed neatly into an easy to read and carry with you bundle.

Q: What kind of wisdom do you have to offer the reader?

Asia: Follow your soul’s path: your life or your ability to walk could depend on it. Don’t believe even an “expert” if it’s not right for you. I give the readers hope that it is possible for anyone to be able to find and connect with their Intuitive Guides or the Universal Wisdom, thereby leading them on their true path even in the face of a crisis.

Q: The publisher promises that the authors such as yourself are “up and coming” leaders in self-help. How does the publisher know this and what is your expertise in “self-help”?

Asia: I’ve been “self-helping” myself first! I broke free from a confined and fearful Christian upbringing, a homophobic abandoning family, and healed myself from being paralyzed after a life-threatening burn from a car accident. I have then assisted over 60,000 animals and people in “living their best lives” by clearing blocks to their greatness and giving them love, listening and support when no one else would.

Q: Most people know about Jack Canfield from the Chicken Soup books and Marci Shimoff from her Happy book. How would you like your readers to think of you? What is your “signature niche”?

Asia: I would like others to think, “She endured the huge loss of her family, her changed body and yet her light shines brighter than ever. She was not defeated, but grew stronger. I can do that, too.”

I’m looking for the readers who are ready to take the “defeats” and “challenges” of their lives and turn them into powerful activating blessings. And if they feel alone, how to connect with their spiritual family and walk through life feeling un-ending support.

Q: What is your most central and compelling “pearl of wisdom”?

Asia: Death, paralysis, fire, and abandonment “losses” are losses that most people are sure will destroy them. However, they can truly be “harvested” into pearls and allow you to live your best life!

Q: How can our readers/listeners find you?

Asia: My website at Asia Voight. I also have a new radio show: “The Animal Code with Asia Voight” on the Awakening Zone.

To our readers: Thanks to Asia Voight for sharing her insight and her passion for her work. You can also find the book at the Pearls of Wisdom blog tour website.

Please check out these inspiring writers. You’ll be glad you did.

Filed Under: Living Tagged With: animal communication, Asia Voight, intuitive communication, Jack Canfield, Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood, Liz Byrne, Marci Shimoff, Pearls of Wisdom blog tour

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 11

February 27, 2012 by Robyn

my dying dog We were just sitting on the deck together, and I was reminding Murphy of the very first time we were in that exact same position: back in October 1998, when she’d just come home to live with me. She was 11 weeks old, my introduction to Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.

Today she is over 13-1/2, and dying from a splenic tumor.

Time is clearly on our minds these days.

Last week she was in crisis, having breathing difficulties because the tumor had apparently bled—it’s internal, hidden, silent except for her loud breathing. We learned that the bronchial infection we’d fought for two months was gone. What was left was what dying from a splenic tumor looks like.

She wasn’t in pain, was hungry and interested in life, and even the necessarily dispassionate vet was telling us she was a long way from dying. That was clear to see. I was grateful. I’d take what time we could both get, as long as it was time on her terms.

Good time. Time that was comfortable, that made her want to stay in her body. With me. With all of us.

As the bleeding ebbed and the fluid absorbed in the last few days, she began to breathe easier, and cheerfully greeted the babysitter who came to stay with her and Alki, her Cavalier brother, and Grace the Cat, so I could attend to business. A few hours away, that’s all, and only because staunch, experienced friends have generously come to help.

Friends who agree to come knowing that time might end on their watch. Brave people who’ve been there before with their own animals, and know what it’s like.

Time heals all wounds, they say. But not this one.

Today it was sunny and cold in Seattle, with a stiff wind that rarely leaves our beachside neighborhood. Then, just a few hours ago, the wind died down, I took Alki on a walk, and came home to sit on the deck with Murphy. We’d done that a few weeks ago, but she was too weak to sit up and peer out at the world. Instead, she curled in my lap and the warm sun soothed her old bones.

She was stronger today. Just like when she was a puppy, she stood with her hind legs on my leg and her front on the deck railing, watching people and dogs and cars go by.

That’s when I thought about how much time had gone by. Over 13 years.

She is deaf now, but she can see, and she’s generally alert and interested. She has her moments when time stands still, when she gazes off into the distance, when it’s very clear that time has taken its toll.

If that’s what time does.

It passes, and we wonder, where did it go? As we sat on the deck together in the cooling afternoon sun, I thought of all the things I could be doing: writing another article, cleaning house, updating my website, the things we do to live.

Ironic, that, because what we were doing together right then was living. On her terms. And mine.

What mattered? The time that was passing in those moments.

As I held Murphy tightly, giving her the security to lean into me for support so she could spy on the neighborhood, I closed my eyes to relish the feel of her warm body in my arms, the soft beating of her heart, the things that will be gone in a few short weeks.

Time ends bodies, true. Weeks from now this time will only be poignant memories.

As I held Murphy, I knew that I won’t regret the unwritten article, the dog hair bunnies all over the floor, an old date on my website.

I would only regret not holding her there on the deck on this sunny afternoon, for as long as she wanted to stare at the world.

So we sat there together as the afternoon cooled, until she was ready to come in.

Now I write the article, and all three of my multi-species family members snore beside me in my office, proof that the human-animal bond can be as ordinary as it is strange and wonderful.

Murphy breathes, the soft gentle snoring of old. This crisis has passed, for now. They say that the final one will come abruptly, some day. Some time. But this much I know.

Time is still with us.

Filed Under: Human-Animal Bond Tagged With: animal care, animal communication, bridging species, cats, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, dog care, dogs and dying, human-animal bond, multi-species families

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 4

January 24, 2012 by Robyn

Murphy is dying. Yes, she’s 13-1/2, old for any dog, but somehow her age snuck up on me. After her early difficulties, I thought getting her to 5 was a miracle, but she’s been vigorous for years.

She’s actually pretty vigorous now. Suddenly deaf, yes. Sleeps a lot. Loves to eat and explore. Slower with arthritis. A bit rheumy-eyed.

Dying.

Yes, that part. The accidental discovery of a splenic tumor. The almost certain prognosis of cancer. Which means surgery and she’ll die anyway, even if she has chemo. And even if it’s not surgery, she’ll die because the tumor will eventually rupture. Either way, she’s going to die.

Of a splenic tumor.

What causes these things? Hard to say, of course. Or is it?

Cancer is, well, I know what cancer is. I’m an intuitive, I have actually talked with cancer. Ultimately it’s symbiotic. Ultimately, cancer wants to pair with organisms, like humans and animals, and something different will come of it, but the DNA is too different right now. So cancer kills its ‘host,’ and then itself when the host dies. More on this later, honest.

But cancer is also epidemic right now.

Of all the things I thought would get Murphy, a splenic tumor never occurred to me. I wonder if her inherited platelet disorder and the tumor are related. If the spleen, which filters platelets, and Murphy’s body collaborated over the years to keep her healthy and vigorous, and the collaboration created this tumor. Which means removing it could kill her. Removing the spleen, with all the blood vessels, on an old dog with developing heart issues, including arrythmia, and a platelet disorder, well, no.

She deserves better. To be vigorous and healthy to the end. Quality over quantity.

How could I make that choice for her? Choose to refuse surgery?

Because I’d make the same choice for myself.

There are truly horrible things that come from this, as I’ll explore in later posts. But one of the most horrible is that I may have killed my dog by doing what I thought was the right thing. The thing we’re all told, that’s pushed by vets, by the shelter community, by breeders.

We don’t question it. We’re told that we should spay and neuter our animal family members early.

I always wondered about this. Sure, it’s convenient, especially for female dogs, since dealing with a dog in heat is complicated and annoying. And there’s the talk about male dogs being less aggressive. But don’t we interrupt their bodies’ natural growth process? Don’t we mess up their hormones, and all those chemical reactions that nature builds into them to keep them healthy?

We don’t spay or neuter our teenage children, so why are we doing it to our pets? Because we’re encouraged to be stupid and lazy.

Here’s why we absolutely need to re-think the spay/neuter issue.

Look at this article: The Long Term Health Risks and Benefits Associated with Spay/Neuter in Dogs, published in 2007 by Laura J Sanborn MS. I ran across it in spring 2011 while interviewing a respected breeder of golden retrievers in California. That’s the first time I heard that it is well documented that early spay/neuter can lead to all kinds of serious, debilitating, life-ending medical problems.

Like the cancer they say Murphy has.

Which would mean that all the years I cared for this beautiful dog didn’t matter, because I killed her when I spayed her as a puppy. Like we’re encouraged to do to be responsible owners.

Responsible family members.

And my other kids? Also mutilated as babies.

So I have three good reasons to go to war: Murphy, Alki, Grace the Cat. And when Murphy is gone, I’m going to war:

war against the shelter and rescue community, which refuses to acknowledge this issue because their agenda is to be the new puppy mill: socially accepted and sanctioned by the state and ignorant but earnest animal lovers
war against the veterinary community, for its silence on this issue
war against the people who adopt animals, know the facts, and go along with it, because it’s easier
war for the people who don’t know and so can’t make the right choice, whatever that is for their family: because somebody has to tell them

Do you live with animals? Did you spay/neuter early? Did you know this?

You know it now.

What will you do next time?

Join me. Let’s go to war. For life.

Filed Under: Human-Animal Bond Tagged With: animal care, animal communication, bridging species, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, dog care, human-animal bond, multi-species families, splenic tumor in dog, veterinary care

My Dog Is Dying: The Real Life Crappy Choice Diary, Entry 2

January 17, 2012 by Robyn

my dying dog So dogs with splenic tumors can abruptly die, or abruptly go into just about dying. Meaning in Murphy’s case, the tumor could rupture and she’ll bleed out.

The words ‘bleed out’ and ‘my beloved dog’ just don’t make sense together. They really should never make sense together. Apparently that doesn’t matter.

Besides that, what the hell does ‘bleed out’ look like?

So I’m out there, walking Murphy and Alki, getting ready to pick up their poop. This is a fact of life, picking up dog poop, all part of that mystical, smelly real life human-animal bond, not the reason why mine is a multi-species family, but part of it. At least I’m not paying for college.

No, I am not a poop voyeur, I’m just someone who really does clean up after her dogs. And, well, poop comes in all forms, depending on how the dogs have digested whatever it is they’ve chosen to eat.

I cook for Murphy and she disdains things on the street, so I know what she’s going to eat, unlike her brother, Alki, who eats whatever he can as quickly as he can because he knows damn well he shouldn’t.

Murphy eats what I give her to eat.

So I was surprised to see big red globs come out in her poop.

My heart stopped. What, is she bleeding out? There were no signs! What the hell does bleeding out mean, anyway, and why should I have to know this? This can’t be happening.

Besides, that’s really round globs of … cranberries.

I’d put whole cranberries in her food, and Murphy had just pooped them out intact. One by one.

Anybody who saw us at that moment would think I was crazy. Laughing. And crying. At once.

Love and Choice at the Crossroads

January 10, 2012 by Robyn

Every January people think about New Year’s resolutions. I never did get that, maybe because I think of life as a choice, and I’m glad I get them.

Or I used to be.

My work as an intuitive, as one being on the planet, is about choice. How can we grow as a society by recognizing that the world, and everything in it, is alive, conscious … and free to choose its path? Everything.

Humans are not guardians and caretakers. We are equals. Equals to everything from our chairs to our cars, our homes and businesses, the land and water around us.

Equals to the animals who are part of our multi-species families.

They get to choose. We get to live with their choice. With them.

Sure, it’s cut and dried in theory. In practice, it’s fascinating and exciting, because that’s when participation in the great dance of life helps us hear, for example, what a hurricane thinks about its work, or what little tweaks would please and invigorate our homes and businesses.

But choice can be painful, and we’re living that now in my family.

My beloved eldest dog, Murphy Brown Fritz, has, in her own words, chosen to ‘walk the mystery’ and to refuse surgery that would complicate but possibly save her life. For a short while, anyway. Maybe. Nobody really knows. I tried to find out, and I couldn’t.

At 13.5, she’s had a long and fascinating journey to wellness, one that I walked with her, that we all did as a family. This fabulous life I shared with this stunning dog has inspired my work as a writer and intuitive, my view of the world and the human-animal bond, my work with my crystal partner, Fallon, my sense of humor. Together, Murphy and I got well and went out into the world to do our work.

But we now know that Murphy’s journey is ending. She has a tumor on her spleen, and there are no easy choices. Remove her spleen and she may live, a few weeks or years, we don’t know. But if it’s a bruise or a tumor that is the spleen’s own way of dealing with a lifelong platelet disorder, maybe, just maybe, surgery is not the answer. And right now it isn’t, anyway, because this all started because she had a mild cough and UTI, and she has an infection to beat first.

That we even know about the tumor is because the intuitive in me kept insisting there was something more. Now there’s another part of me that asks why I insisted on finding out.

I thought science would give us an answer, a time frame to plan our year, an answer of some kind, a clear path: if you do this, then that happens.

But science doesn’t give answers like that.

Love does.

This surgery for Murphy would be complicated. And we had a deal. Through the ups and downs of our journey to wellness our deal was that we would fix what we could because the larger journey to wellness was healing our wounded souls. We got well together. That done, we agreed that I wouldn’t ask her to do any more, but she’d get whatever she wanted. No matter what.

And she got it. She’s been healthy and vigorous for most of her amazingly long life.

But science and thoughtful care take you only so far. Love and choice do the rest.

Stunned and griefstricken at this news last week, I had sense enough to give this choice back to Murphy. “What do you want to do?” I asked her.

“We had a deal,” she said. She thinks her time is close anyway, and she doesn’t want the complication of surgery. At least not now. We are exploring her options, to give her more information. But right now she thinks she will live longer without the surgery, and she could very well be right. She wants to “walk the mystery” as freely as she can. I’ll be there with her, as will Alki and Grace the Cat. Our medical team. And our intuitive team, which includes guides and dragons and Fallon and the entire Alchemy West Committee and the one intuitive in the world I trust when I need to step aside and ask for help: Debrae Firehawk.

Murphy’s defied the odds before: the little dog no one expected to make it to 3 is 13.5. In my less rational moments I want to grab her and run as fast as I can, to outrace whatever it is that’s taking her from us. In other moments I’m arranging supportive care. For all of us.

We’ll be chronicling our journey, wherever it leads us, and we invite you to share it at our magazine, Bridging the Paradigms.

For this month, we’re just pointing us all back to New Year resolutions. Forget them. Instead, ask yourself what you will do with your choices. What do you want your year to look like? What will you do if things change? How does love choose its way? How do you honor love’s choice?

This choice terrifies me. I guess the important ones should. Everything I believe about how we should live our lives comes down to honoring Murphy’s choice. Find out everything I can. Explain it to her as best as I can. And then let her choose her path.

When I could throw everything in the universe at a tumor that may be killing my beloved dog, would I take her choice away to suit mine?

Can I? Should I? What does love look like?

It looks like choice. Her choice. We’ll find out where that takes us.

Oh, and another thing. There’s a new “energy” system, something that showed up here about five years ago. I kept trying to give it away. It kept coming back. Fallon and I have been using it at times during our intuitive consultations, when it has shown up and clients have agreed to experience it.

When I say I am not a healer, I mean it. I am not a healer. Fallon is. But I can use this new “energy” in a new way, and I will. So I can say for now that I’m a healer, but that word has no real meaning in the new paradigm. A new word will come.

This “energy” is something very new in the world. Very right. A new paradigm for vibrational work. For healing. For choice.

Murphy chose that as her option. Fallon and I are on it. As are Alki and Grace the Cat. It does not promise a cure for Murphy, whatever that means. It just helps create space for choice, for Murphy, for the tumor, for us.

Can’t define the energy right now. All I know is that it’s about love and choice.

So this New Year I resolve to honor choice. Whatever that looks like, wherever it takes us.

What choices will you honor this year?